And Then What?

a few words about the time of my aging

I May Not Come Back Again~a piano melody by Lana Maree Haas

the emerald coast, Florida, USA.

The Time of My Aging

I am lost 
and it just won’t work
to try and find my way back

back to normal?
back to youth?
back to potentials and possibilities?

to ideas that drove me forward?
and a heart that broke open only to close again?
this part of life has ended and I am floating 
and sometimes flailing in a liminal space
where often I meet the Divine
and she tells me:

in here there is no time
she tells me that I don’t have to prove or produce
or look pretty or be obtuse
and that there's no need to enertain what-ifs 
or reasons to be confused

what is left though from my youth
what I did not completely resolve
now surfaces like sea foam
and covers my skin and sinks in

a silty soapy salty salve
drawing out the last remains of my regrets
decades of memories now fresh
miles of moments I can’t forget

~Lana Maree Haas

                   and now? a journey of profound listening and indescribable beauty deepens…


The Age of My Aging

My age is profound listening. My age is indescribable beauty. My age is eyesight diminishing and insight increasing. My age is "I remember when..." and "I wonder if I'll be around to see that?" 
My age is adult children becoming more and more adult-like and siblings becoming more and more important as we age together. 
My age is enduring friendships and more time outdoors. My age is I might not get to do all the things I wanted to do. In fact, I know I won't because there are so many things I'm interested in and excited about that it's just not possible. 
(It's why I went into the creative arts. You can express, study and contemplate anything you are interested in when you are an artist.)
My age is swimming downriver past the regrets I visited last year and the years before. My age is it's ok to need more downtime. My age is I can't please everyone and I'm not gonna try. My age is I love the simple things best, like my pups and my home, my little garden and my special tree that I hug everyday. 

My age is finding that love and beauty is all that matters, and there is so much time for that.